#578 - HOW TIME CAN BE FOR YOU OR AGAINST YOU

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Years ago, I received a piece of advice I didn't appreciate as much as I do now. It was a principle that I believed was true, but now, that many years have gone by since I first heard it, I am even more convinced of it's validity. The principle is this:

TIME WILL EITHER PROMOTE YOU OR EXPOSE YOU.

For better or for worse.

If you are lazy.
If you are immature.
If you are irresponsible.
If you cut corners.
If you break rules.
If you tell lies.

You will be exposed.

If you are faithful.
If you are diligent.
If you are consistent.
If you overcome obstacles.
If you practice regularly.
If you work hard. 

You will be promoted.

Let this sink in for just a moment...

It's only a matter of time before who you are in the dark comes out into the light. It's only a matter of time before the seeds you sowed in the last season will reap a harvest in the next. It's only a matter of time before your habits become your legacy. For better or for worse.

TIME WILL EITHER PROMOTE YOU OR EXPOSE YOU.

You cannot escape this. This can either be a dream come true or your worst nightmare. Live accordingly.

#577 - HOW TO FOSTER EFFECTIVE CHURCH PLANT PARTNERSHIPS

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As written about in a previous post, theMOVEMENT has been blessed to receive over $1 million in partnership support over the last 5 years. What God has done in partnering theMOVEMENT Church with various churches across the country has been nothing short of a miracle. Having no previous relationships with or knowledge of any of these churches is proof that God deserves all the glory and praise for the supernatural connections He has made. 

Through these various partnerships, we've been able to launch a healthy, growing, almost self-sustaining, preparing to reproduce itself church plant in the heart of one of the most expensive places to live in the entire world! The Bay Area of California, more specifically, the city of Oakland. 

How did this happen? How were these partnerships started? How were these partnerships maintained? Many factors go into it, but after 5 years of cultivating partnerships to support the church of our church plant, here are the main lessons I've learned:

FOR THE PARTNERING CHURCH

  1. Be convinced that planting new churches is an effective strategy for evangelism. Tim Keller writes, "The single best way to reach non-Christians is to start new churches. The transitional new community creates space for outsiders to plug in." For the gospel to advance, new churches must be planted, sustained, and then re-produce. The degree to which you believe this will be the degree to which your church invests in partnering with church plants. 

  2. Be interested in the success of churches other than your own. Though this may seem condescending to even ask, it is a question worth honestly answering, "Do we want to see other churches, especially new ones, succeed in reaching people with the gospel?"

  3. Be sacrificial in paying a price to see that success come to fruition. If the answer to previous question is "Yes," the answer to this one is equally important. Are you willing to pay the price of investing in a church other than your own? Are you ready to give financially? Are you ready to send your people out to support another church? Are you ready to invest time during your Sunday Services and small groups to pray for church plants? Are you ready to "lose" something for another church's gain?

  4. Be willing to serve the church plant on their terms. Can you give financially without directing the funds? Can you send missions teams when it's convenient for the church plant? Can you send missions teams to do work that the church plant needs done and not to do work you prefer doing?

  5. Be discerning of the Lead Church Planter. Do you sense an anointing on his life for planting and pastoring a church? Does he have a track record of starting and growing something from scratch? Does he have the spiritual gift of leadership and has he used that gift to win people to Jesus and make disciples? Is his marriage healthy? Pray about this. Get more than one set of eyes on the planter, his wife, and his team and discern accordingly.

  6. Be ready to start before you're ready. Especially to churches who have never partnered with a church plant before, you must be ready to start before you understand everything about partnering with a church plant. Much of what you will learn about how to partner with a church plant is learned after you partner with a church plant!

  7. Be OK with asking tough questions. Because you will be accountable with how you invested the resources of your church, you must be comfortable with checking in on your investment. Are Sunday Services growing in attendance? How are disciples being made? Is the leadership team healthy? Is the church increasing its internal revenue through tithes and offerings? Is there a plan for this church to become self-sustaining?   

FOR THE CHURCH PLANTER

  1. Be convinced of your unique mission and vision. Do you have a burden? Do you have a burning passion to reach the lost? If you're not convinced of what you're setting out to do and why you're setting out to do it, you will have a very difficult time convincing anyone to support you. 

  2. Be clear on what you need. How much money do you need, exactly? How many volunteers do you need, exactly? What kind of support do you need, exactly? How can the partner church help you to accomplish your mission, specifically? How can you be prayed for, specifically? The more clear you are on what you need, the easier you make it for a potential partner church to meet that need.

  3. Be ready to give an account. Keep accurate numbers. Keep accurate accounts. Keep track of stories. If you can't answer the question of how your church is doing with specific numbers and compelling testimonies of how God is moving within your new church community, the partner church may begin to feel as if their resources are being stewarded poorly.

  4. Be honest about your struggles and failures. Partnering with other churches to support your church plant is about so much more than the money. What has been more valuable to me than the money is the mentorship. Mentorship from more seasoned pastors and leaders is invaluable. But, the door for mentorship to take place is opened by you when you are honest about the difficulties you are having as a church planter. 

  5. Be entitled to nothing. A partnership with a church is a gift and a grace from God. If a check doesn't come in, if a promise is not kept, if communication is not frequent, if a partnership ends prematurely - guard your heart. Be careful to never feel, think, or act in ways that communicates that your partner church owes you anything. They don't. God gives. God takes away. Bless God and bless the partner church, regardless. 

  6. Be thankful for everything. Every check, every prayer, every volunteer, every phone call, every act of kindness, every correction or rebuke, every word of advice - be thankful for it all. Thank the church. Thank God. Be in awe and wonder that God would allow any help to come your way. 

  7. Be prepared for the relationship to transition. Just as a relationship with a parent and a child evolves over time, so will a church partnership with your church plant. If the partnership is going well, over time, the church partner should be pouring less and less into your church and your church should be pouring more and more time into another church plant! This is how the cycle continues and the multiplication of healthy churches can become a reality!

In no way are these lists exhaustive, but I believe they do lay a good foundation for existing churches to partner with new church plants. Please feel free to comment below with other best practices you would recommend!

SPECIAL THANKS TO: 
Crossroads Church, Johnson Ferry Baptist Church, Houston's First Baptist Church, Central Baptist Church, 1st Baptist Trussville, Shades Mountain Baptist Church, Epic Church, Echo Church, Southcliff Baptist Church, Stonegate Fellowship, Liberty Baptist Church, North American Mission Board, California State Baptist Convention, and the East Bay Baptist Association. You are the partners who have helped make our church plant a light in the city of Oakland!

#576 - THE NEXT 9 DAYS

Tomorrow morning, my wife and I will fly to Atlanta, Georgia. Half the time will be spent in Marietta, Georgia at a missions conference, and the other half of the time will be spent in Savannah, Georgia resting and relaxing. 

Though I'm thankful for the time away, when we return there will be a whirlwind of events and activities in our life and in the life of our church.

With that in mind, in an attempt to maximize these next 9 days and prepare for the days following the trip, here are my primary goals and objectives during my time away.

WHILE IN MARIETTA...

  • Strengthen relationships with friends at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church.

  • Serve humbly, faithfully, and courageously as a Breakout Session Panelist and as a Main Session Speaker.

  • Connect and engage with church planters in the Bay Area.

WHILE IN SAVANNAH...

  • Rest.

  • Eat good food and spend quality time with my wife.

  • Finish first 2 messages in Sexology series.

For me, in the midst of chaos, specificity and clarity brings peace.

If you find yourself anxious or overwhelmed by all the stuff that's on your plate, I encourage you to write a list. Get it out of your head and put in on a piece of paper (or note on your phone). 

Even the most daunting tasks seem smaller when they are reduced to a single line!

#575 - A PASTOR'S WORST NIGHTMARE

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In almost 5 years of ministry in the city of Oakland, this has NEVER happened before. With 15 minutes to go before service started, we've been afraid that it might happen, but it never actually has. It always gets fixed just in time. It always works right when we need it to. The problem is always solved.

But, not today.

OUR PROJECTOR DIDN'T WORK.

You're probably saying to yourself, what's the big deal?

Well, because we are a church that wants to be sensitive to first-time guests, especially those who are new to church, we utilize the projector to help our guests follow along with the different aspects of our service.

We provide lyrics to our songs.
We provide visual aids to our messages.
We provide scripture for our time of corporate prayer.

No projector. No bueno.

And if that wasn't bad enough, 

OUR HEATER WAS BROKEN TOO.

And it was cold. Like 50 degrees cold. And for us Bay Area folks, that's cold.

Now, I know there are many of you reading this who do and have done ministry in way worse conditions. Now before you judge me (because I know you are!), I hope you can empathize with the fact that anytime you can't do ministry in the way you are used to doing ministry it can be very frustrating. Frustrating and distracting.

But, I believe God used our hiccups and hangups in today's service to remind me of a lesson that I hope to not forget anytime soon...

IF GOD IS WORKING, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF EVERYTHING ELSE ISN'T.

And on the flip side of that truth...

IF GOD ISN'T WORKING, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS!

And the truth of the matter is, today, God worked. Today, God moved. Today, God used our broken circumstances to reveal His perfect strength. Today, God glorified Himself through the singing of songs, through the corporate prayer of His saints, through the preaching of His word, and through the power of multiple testimonies! None of these things needed a projector! None of these things needed heat. It would've been nice, but it wasn't necessary! 

Just when I think I know what we need to do ministry effectively, God reminds me in only the way that He can that He is not limited by anything.

GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY ANYTHING.

God is not limited by our technology.
God is not limited by our meeting space.
God is not limited by our staff size.
God is not limited by our budget.
God is not limited by our education.
God is not limited by our abilities.
God is not limited by our band.
God is not limited by our resources.
God is not limited by our volunteers.
God is not limited by whatever excuse you have for why you can't do ministry effectively in your context.

GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY ANYTHING.

Now, let's all do ministry from this point forward with the peace and confidence that comes from believing that is the truth!

#574 - ALL DREAMS REQUIRE THIS

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As one who, from the time I graduated from high school, started developing great dreams, goals, and aspirations for my future, for many years, I struggled with faithfulness in the present.

It came more naturally to talk about it than to be about it. I felt more comfortable with coming up with a new pursuit than seeing my last pursuit through to completion. But when I heard these words, everything changed:

Your head can be in the clouds, but your feet have to be on the ground.

You can dream big dreams for the future, but you must take small steps in the present. You can have great aspirations for what could be, but you must be ready to give great dedication to what is. You can be confident that you were made for more, but you must be faithful when you're experiencing less.

Head in the clouds. Feet on the ground.

Vision statements must be accompanied by action plans. 5-year projections must be supported by daily goals. Grand declarations of where you're headed must be backed up by clear evidence that you're willing to put in the work to get there. 

Manage the tension. 

Then. Now.
Future. Present.
What will be. What is.
What you want. What you have.
Where you're going. Where you're at.

You must keep your eyes on both.

If your head is always in the clouds, you'll miss out on the beauty of today. If your feet are always on the ground, you'll miss out on the potential of tomorrow.

#573 - HOW TO GET OFF THE CAROUSEL OF MISERY

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Do you find yourself unhappy? Do you notice yourself experiencing prolonged sadness? Are you surprised when even good things don't brighten up your day? Are you frustrated by your inability to "snap out" of it? 

During many seasons of my life, I have had to deal with the very same feelings. Thankfully, I think I've found a cure. 

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

Being deeply grateful for what you already have. Needing absolutely nothing else to feel complete. Feeling extremely satisfied with what you've been given.

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

Not being owned by success. Not being enslaved by approval. Not being driven by materialism.

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

Wonder and awe for what is. Understanding and patience for what isn't. Peace and serenity for what will or will not be.  

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

The quality of someone who sees God's goodness. The character trait of someone who recognizes God's faithfulness. The response of someone who experiences God's grace.

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

Without it, you feel like you're missing out. Without it, you're convinced God is not for you. Without it, you believe you're getting the short end of the stick. 

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

A pre-requisite for being entrusted with more. A must have for being blessed with abundance. A necessary ingredient for being ready for greater.

THE CURE IS CONTENTMENT.

Find it. Practice it. Embrace it.

Life without it is a carousel of misery.

#572 - THE DRUG YOU'RE UNAWARE YOU'RE ADDICTED TO

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So many great tweets.

Powerful quotes. 
Poignant one liners.
Provocative threads. 
280 characters or less that makes you go wooooow.

So many awesome videos.

Stand-up clips.
Sermon highlights.
Speech snapshots.
1 minute or less that makes you go oooooh. 

So many compelling "stories."

On religion.
On politics.
On social justice.

15 seconds or less that makes you go hmmmmm.

We're commenting. We're liking. We're re-tweeting. We're sharing.

But my concern is this,

ARE WE CHANGING?

Inspiration on social media can be like a drug - temporary high, but no long-term positive impact. Instant euphoria, but no lasting conviction. Momentary bliss, but no paradigm shift. 

Let's not let this be us.

The next time you come across a poignant tweet, video, story, link, blog, article, etc. online, that challenges you...

DON'T JUST SHARE IT AND MOVE ON. LET IT SINK IN AND BE CHANGED.

#571 - PERFECT TIMING

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The helpful hand.
The harsh rebuke.
The desired result.
The financial support.
The loving correction.
The supportive friend.
The encouraging word.
The insightful resource.
The favorable outcome.
The pivotal partnership.
The desired opportunity.
The necessary connection.
The romantic relationship.

Whatever it is you need, God will provide it for you exactly when you need it.

Never late. Rarely early. But always on time.

If you knew everything God knows. If you saw everything God sees. If you understood everything God understands. You would comprehend why you don't currently have the thing you think you currently need.

GOD'S TIMING IS PERFECT.

Trust it.

#570 - A MILLENNIAL'S WORSE NIGHTMARE

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I'm overlooked.
I'm undervalued.
I'm unappreciated.

I'm not new.
I'm not flashy.
I'm not cutting edge.

I'm present when everyone else is absent.
I'm working when everyone else is sleeping.
I'm going when everyone else is stopping.

Bigger and better doesn't impress me.
The latest and the greatest doesn't distract me.
My results compared to yours doesn't affect me.

I'm boring.
I'm mundane.
I'm repetitive.

But...

I REQUIRE COURAGE.

I don't just start well.
I finish strong.

I don't just make promises.
I keep them.

I don't just arrive.
I stay.

Through hardship.
Through difficulty.
Through turmoil.

I STAY.

Through criticism.
Through failure.
Through setback.

I STICK.

When the luster has left.
When the shine has subsided.
When the glisten is gone.

I PERESEVERE.

When all that is left is work.
When all that is required is sweat.
When all that counts is being able to be counted on.

I THRIVE.

Who am I?

I AM FAITHFULNESS.

And you will never know
success and fulfillment
until you know me.

#565 - WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE YOUR CHURCH

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Over the last 5 years of pastoring in Oakland, many people have walked through the doors of theMOVEMENT Church and many people have walked out. Many people who I extended ministry to and did ministry with are no longer here. 

Some people have left for great and godly reasons while others have left for not so great or godly reasons (at least in my opinion). But regardless of the reasons for departure, they all are painful. 

I’ve actually come to realize that it’s one of the hardest things about pastoral ministry. After having loved people deeply, invested in them generously, and seen God move in them mightily, it is hard to watch them walk away from your community of faith and pursue what God has for them next.   

But with every person whose season ends at our church, I have a choice.

I have a choice in how I will respond to the news. I have a choice in how I will love them for the remainder of the time that they are here. I have a choice in how I will talk about them when they are gone. 

Unfortunately, I have not gotten this right as often as I would like to, but, in an effort to improve my ability to love people well as they leave, here are a few practical lessons I’ve learned:

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL

Though sometimes people will leave because of you, many times it will be for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you! Many times, God really does have something better for them elsewhere. Remember, it is Jesus, ultimately, who we want people to trust in and be tethered to, not us. Be sure that how you handle someone’s departure doesn’t become an obstacle to their future relationship with Christ and the Church. 

PASTOR THEM THROUGH THEIR DEPARTURE

If allowed the opportunity, pastor the person leaving on how they can honor God as they go. Pastor them in how they can honor the church as they go. Pastor them by affirming their gifts and contribution while they were with you. Pastor them by lovingly pointing out the ways in which you hope they grow in their next community of faith. Don’t be lazy in your leadership just because they are leaving. Finish well. You will be held accountable. 

HONOR THEM PUBLICLY AND PRIVATELY

If the situation permits and if the honor is warranted, publicly honor them for their commitment and service to your community. Honor them before the group of people who was most impacted by their presence. God is honored by honor. But, don’t only speak favorably of them in front of others, speak favorably of them behind closed doors as well. God is dishonored by dishonor. People are watching. From how you handle the situation, you want people to see that your church is not only a safe place to come to, but it is also a safe place to leave from.  

MOVE ON

Too many times I've made the mistake of putting so much emotional energy into those who have left that I've robbed those who have stayed of healthy leadership. You must press forward. Being emotionally present with the people who aren’t a part of your community will cause you to be spiritually absent from the people who are, and that is a huge disservice to them. God has not called you to people who are no longer called to you. Discern the difference, and love and lead accordingly.   

FIND YOUR JOY IN CHRIST

No man, woman, or family should determine how confident you are in carrying out your calling. For too long, my self-worth and level of fulfillment was wrapped up in who was and who was not following me. What I’ve come to realize is that looking to someone in your church to provide for you what only Christ can provide is idolatry of the worst kind.  Christ alone. He is our joy. He is our reward. Don’t settle for the crumbs of man’s approval when God’s love is a banquet that you can feast from daily!

#564 - A VERY PRACTICAL LESSON I'M LEARNING ABOUT LOVE

You need love. You need to experience love. You need to feel love. You need to enjoy love.

This is the human condition.

When one doesn't feel loved, loneliness, depression, fear, low self-esteem, doubt, etc. are the unfortunate byproducts. In other words, nothing good comes from a life lived unloved. 

But, what I'm coming to discover in this season of my life, in regards to love, is this:

IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO COMMUNICATE HOW I NEED TO BE LOVED.

People can't read my mind. People can't read your mind. Though we wish others could read our minds, unless how we need to be loved is communicated, it is very unlikely it will be experienced. 

Shouldn't people know better? Maybe. Shouldn't people ask? Sure, that'd be nice. Shouldn't people just figure it out for themselves? I guess. Unfortunately 9 times out of 10, this just doesn't take place. 

With that said, I've come to the conclusion, I can't wait around for people to figure this out!

I must speak up!

If I need words of affirmation, I must speak up. If I need quality time, I must speak up. If I need physical touch, I must speak up. If I need gifts, I must speak up. If I need acts of service, I must say something!

Very often, the type of love I receive is very deeply connected to type of love I communicate I need!

If you need someone to listen to you, let them know. If you need someone to appreciate you, let them know. If you need someone to comfort you, let them know. If you need someone to give you space, let them know, If you need someone to take you out, let them know. 

People want to love you. Many times, they just don't know how.

Stop being so sorry for yourself. Be humble. I'll say it again, BE HUMBLE. Ask for the type of love you need. Be specific, and give the person you're asking the appropriate time and space to respond.  

What if the love you desire, is just one ask away?

#563 - BEACUSE I'M SCARED

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On my "leadership horizon" are some decisions I must make that will require tremendous amounts of courage. Courage that, frankly, I don't feel like I have. 

But, I can't shrink back. I must lead boldly.

Here are some thoughts about courage that I am writing to encourage myself. Prayerfully, you can benefit from them as well...

Courage is taking actions that are uncomfortable. Courage is believing ideals that are unpopular. Courage is loving people that are unthankful.  

Courage is taking a stand that will expose you to criticism. Courage is the willingness to face the consequences for standing up for what you believe. Courage is putting yourself in a position where the possibility of losing is present. 

Sometime courage is speaking up. Sometimes courage is being silent. Sometimes courage is leaving. Sometimes courage is staying. Sometimes courage is starting. Sometimes courage is waiting.

Courage is obeying God and leaving the consequences of your obedience up to Him. 

Courage is faith in the midst of fear. Courage is hope in the midst of uncertainty. Courage is boldness in the midst of timidity. 

Courage is leaving your comfort zone for the benefit of others and the glory of God. 

Courage is a necessary requirement for leadership and a character trait that, if not developed over time, will cause people to second guess whether or not they should follow you. 

BE COURAGEOUS. 

The world needs your bravery. 

#562 - 9 CLUES FORGIVENESS HASN'T HAPPENED

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Forgiveness is hard. Forgiveness is difficult. Forgiveness, at times, can be burdensome.

The hurt was so deep. The betrayal was so real. The pain was so lasting. The offense was so unexpected. The lack of remorse was so unexpected. The offender was so close.

But, as Christians, forgiveness is so...required. 

At the end of the day, forgiveness for others is really the litmus test of whether or not we truly have received the forgiveness of God.

Through faith in Jesus Christ, we are forgiven of an infinite debt of sin against a Holy God, yet we cannot forgive a finite debt of sin committed by a sinful man? 

Forgiven people forgive people. There really is no way around it.

But, as much as I understand that truth, over the years, there have been many people I have struggled to forgive. From my personal experience, here is a list of "clues" that reveal that forgiveness, very likely, has yet to take place.

  • I want them to be exposed.

  • I want them to fail and struggle in life.

  • When I see them being trusted, I get mad.

  • When I see them enjoying life, I get frustrated.

  • When I see them making progress, I get angry.

  • I want them to hurt in the same way they hurt me.

  • I want someone to do to them what they did to me.

  • I want them to apologize to me for what they did to me.

  • I want them to apologize to others for what they did to me.

But what I've come to realize is that forgiveness isn't as much about them as it is about me...

  • Trusting the Lord.

  • Believing the best.

  • Absorbing the pain.

  • Releasing the vindication.

This isn't easy, by any means. But, it is necessary to live the life of freedom that God desires us to enjoy. It is necessary for the gospel to be displayed. It is necessary for God to be glorified. 

If you find struggling on this journey of forgiving those who have hurt you, I encourage you to pray this with me, daily, as the Lord instructs us to, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass over us."

#561 - TO THE TIRED LEADER

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There will be days when you have nothing left to give - physically, emotionally, spiritually. There will be days when you will be weary, exhausted, and out of gas. Your brain will be fried. Your body will be fatigued. Your energy will be depleted.

Pay attention to the messages your body is sending you, and respond accordingly.

Rest. 
Let your team know about your fatigue. 
Change your pace.
Adjust your rhythm. 
Sleep. For an extended period of time. Like 10 hours.

Sometimes pushing through is the answer, but many times, it's not. 

YOUR TEAM DOESN'T NEED A HERO, THEY NEED A HUMAN WHO WORKS HARD AND RESTS WELL.

How do you need to take care of your body to joyfully be engaged in the work you are involved with 10 years from now? 

Whatever your answer to that question is, act on it today. 

The world doesn't need leaders who only start strong, the world needs leaders who finish well. 

#560 - MY ENTREPRENEURIAL JOURNEY

It took a while. A long while. 10 years to be exact. From the time I became a "dreamer" to the time I settled into the "dream" God would have me invest the majority of my energies into, it took 10 years and many different iterations of the dream.

Here is a snapshot of my journey...

THE BUSINESSES

  • Pre-Paid Legal Services

  • Success Motivation International

  • Mona Vie

  • Designing Your Best Year Ever!

  • The Movement Church

THE WEBSITES

  • pazitiveimpact.com

  • inspireyourdream.com

  • designingyourbestyearever.com

  • calledtoplant.com

  • rescuingawe.com

  • edwardpaz.com

  • themovement.us

Many, many lessons can be gleaned from this journey, but here are 3 I find myself currently reflecting upon:

YOUR FIRST DREAM, WON'T BE YOUR LAST

The first grand idea for God's grand purpose for your life won't be your only idea. Much of life, especially in the earlier years, is about trying, exploring, and failing. Don't be discouraged if the first grandiose plan you set out to make a reality didn't come to pass. It rarely does.

EVERY PURSUIT BENEFITS THE NEXT

Though I "failed" in many of the endeavors I pursued, the skills, relationships, and experiences I had in each of them made me stronger, wiser, and better for the next opportunity. Most, if not all, of the many challenges and experiences that I had with starting multiple businesses became an asset to me as I became a church planter/pastor. 

YOU MUST COMMIT TO ONE

At some point, you must commit. ENTIRELY. At some point, all other ideas, aspirations, and hopes must take a back seat to the one thing God has called you to. The biggest obstacle to the fulfillment of your current dream is your next dream. See something through to completion. Your credibility depends on it. 

#559 - 4 MARKS OF A DEEP FRIENDSHIP

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When it comes to friendship, no one wants fake. No one wants shallow. No one wants temporary. What you're looking for in a friendship is something that is real, meaningful, and lasting.

What you're looking for is depth, breadth, and width.

The problem is, these types of friendships aren't easy to come by.

After 35 years, I can count the number of these types of friends that I have in my life on one hand (and I wouldn't even have to use all my fingers!) 

As I reflect on what makes these one-of-a-kind friendships possible, I think of the following four marks:

1. LONGEVITY

Depth doesn't develop overnight. A friendship that has the potential for depth must be cultivated over a span of many years. Friendships that last for three years are a dime a dozen. Friendships that last for 30 years - rare.  

2. AUTHENTICITY

A friendship has little to no potential for depth if you can't bring your total self to the table. Likes and dislikes. Future hopes and past hurts. Successes and failures. Quirks and uniquenesses. The quality of a friendship depends on the freedom to be fully you.

3. TRANSPARENCY

A friendship can only be as healthy as it is honest. Lies erode trust, and without trust, friendship isn't possible. But it's not just lies that make for an unhealthy friendship, unrevealed truths don't serve the friendship well either. For depth in a friendship to be achieved, making yourself known must be prioritized. 

4. SPIRITUALITY

Is it possible to connect deeply with someone you don't see eye to eye with spiritually? Though I cannot speak for everyone else, I know that because my convictions about who God is run so deep, it would be difficult to have a deep friendship with someone whose convictions weren't similar. If we can't rejoice together in the joy of our salvation, the joy we could experience as friends would have a ceiling. 

Though there are many "ingredients" to a friendship that will go the distance, these four are a must a for me.

What are the musts for you? Are your friendships characterized by these marks? Can you see how if these four marks aren't present, deep friendship might be difficult to develop? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below!